Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Lonesome happy nights! Long time no see, kinda. I'm right now sitting in my brothers room aka my room, while living here (he lives in the living room). And I'm thinking back at everything and what a fun journey I've had studying at university. Seriously, I can't wait for the next semester. Then I'll probably start studying again. It has been so fun getting to know people, and people are so friendly and I've learned so much. I'm thinking of what I'll do tomorrow, I have so much to take care of. I've been a bit lazy lately and have only been playing Sims 4 and hearthstone. I got accepted to a Japanese course, which seems a bit fun, but at the same time not.. Because it's a distance course, and it seems very, very hard. And I have started getting second doubts, and thinking of reading up my grades instead. So I'll increase my chances to get accepted to the University I'll apply to next semester.
Oh yea.. I also can announce that I'll start a youtube chanel. :D Me and my friend have been talking about it, and I also want to start my own, so I look forward to it! I can end this post with selfies!!

Bought a pretty (but expensive =w=) hat from topshop last week! :D You can also see my room here..
And I bought a lot of pocky! It was a special offer!

Tuesday, January 6, 2015

New Year, New Me??

Oh my god, it's 2015. Isn't it crazy? Since I've been pretty off here (sorry) I thought about making an recap list thingy. I hope you'll appreciate it, because I'm looking forward answering all the stuff. I got the list from this awesome website.
  1. On a scale of 1 – 10, how energized and alive have I felt? Hm, maybe a 6. I wish it would be a 10. I'll make 2015 a 10! :D
  2. When have I felt “in the flow?” Hm. Maybe in October starting uni, and gotten used to it.
  3. Where have I felt mired and stuck? In March, after my cat died and life felt like hell. Before and after that I also felt mentally f*cked up for various reasons..
  4. When did I feel like I was on track? In June and forward. :)
  5. What would I have preferred to have had more of? Looooove (it's an ambiguous answer).
  6. What would I have preferred to have had less of? Stress and anxiety.
  7. What was missing? My cat. :(
  8. What energized me? Feeling like I did something important or/and mattered.
  9. What drained me? All the stress and anxiety.
  10. How did I succeed? I went to a psychologist and made some research myself, and somehow I became stronger. :) Also starting university and graduating from high school.
  11. How did I fail? What can I learn from that? I failed in the sense that I almost gave up. Everything felt hopeless, and I felt so very lonely. And what I've learned is that, only I can make myself happy (not really, but kinda). And I have the right to be happy, and I'm strong. IM A WARRIOR.
  12. Where was the abundance in my life (not just financial)? Um. My emotions? Haha.
  13. What sucked? What can I learn from that? STRESS AND ANXIETY!! And my cat's death, once again.  And from that I learned a lot but at the same time not.
  14. How am I glad I spent my time? I'm glad I spent my time doing stuff that actually mattered to me, and that I was genuinely interested in. It felt like it was healing me.
  15. How do I regret having spent my time? Being depressed = doing nothing. A lot of time just laying in bed, alone with my thoughts..
  16. What mattered? Music.
  17. What about how I spent my time this year will matter in ten years? What I learned studying musicology, I got a solid foundation that I'll take with me for the rest of my life.
  18. What did I think was my top priority this year? Surviving the day.
  19. What did my actions and choices show was my top priority? Not the above. Until later on.
  20. Did my priorities reflect how I want to live my life? Yes and no.
  21. How have I lived in alignment with what’s really important? Same here, yes and no.
  22. How have I lived out of alignment with what’s really important? Studying musicology (even though it didn't feel 100% right), and going to talk to a psychologist. It felt like a step in the right direction.
  23. What am I most proud of? Learning so much and that I got accepted and studying at uni.
  24. What do I regret most? Not doing anything earlier to make me feel better.
  25. How did I make the world a better place? Donated money to different charities. Tried to be friendly and be there for people around me.
  26. What do I want to consciously bring forward into the new year? Focusing on feeling good and happy.
  27. What do I want to consciously let go of? My anxiety.
  28. What contributed to my success (in my work / in my relationships / in my contribution to the world/etc.)? Hm, getting rid of some of my fears.
  29. What am I grateful for? For all my friends just being there, and all the friendly out there.
  30. On a scale of 1 – 10, how kind have I been to myself? 3 :(
  31. How have I shown myself love? Not really.
  32. What felt meaningful?
  33. What risks did I take? How did I step outside my comfort zone?
  34. What risks do I wish I had taken?
  35. What did I try that was new? A lot, like washing clothes. A lot of clothes. Or moving out from home. I have done both before, but not at the same extent. Weird explanation I know. But like, living on my own.
  36. How did I invest in my future? Saving up ca$h, and stored all the things I've learned in my brain.
  37. How much did I laugh? A lot, I like to laugh.
  38. When have I felt tension? What kind of tension haha..?
  39. What advice would I give my last-year self based on what you learned and experienced this year? Somehow it gets better gurl.
  40. What inspired and motivated me? Love. Again, an ambiguous answer.
  41. How did the people I spent most of my time with contribute to who I want to become and what I want to achieve? Hm to do what I truly felt like.
  42. What did I think was important that really wasn’t? Graduating from high school, I had this imaginary to do list, which I really didn't checked out so much from. Which made me a bit sad, but that list wasn't really that important. Even though the future is not granted, you don't have to hurry some things.
  43. What did I think wasn’t important that really was? My health.

Last year I learned so much, more than I've ever learned in a year. I've gone through so much emotionally also, I've have experienced the darkest period (hopefully) in my life. And I hope I'll never experience that again. But then again, I've learned so much, and I've also learned what I'll do in the future, or rather say today. I'm striving to do what makes me truly happy and follow my heart. I have to say I'm thankful in what I've learned and that I've developed for the better. And I look forward 2015 and to leave 2014 behind me.
How has you year been?