5 Lonesome happy nights

Hello! Long time no see, kinda. I'm right now sitting in my brothers room aka my room, while living here (he lives in the living room). And I'm thinking back at everything and what a fun journey I've had studying at university. Seriously, I can't wait for the next semester. Then I'll probably start studying again. It has been so fun getting to know people, and people are so friendly and I've learned so much. I'm thinking of what I'll do tomorrow, I have so much to take care of. I've been a bit lazy lately and have only been playing Sims 4 and hearthstone. I got accepted to a Japanese course, which seems a bit fun, but at the same time not.. Because it's a distance course, and it seems very, very hard. And I have started getting second doubts, and thinking of reading up my grades instead. So I'll increase my chances to get accepted to the University I'll apply to next semester.
Oh yea.. I also can announce that I'll start a youtube chanel. :D Me and my friend have been talking about it, and I also want to start my own, so I look forward to it! I can end this post with selfies!!

Bought a pretty (but expensive =w=) hat from topshop last week! :D You can also see my room here..

And I bought a lot of pocky! It was a special offer!

2 Hello school

So school has started, and it's my last year in high school. It feels so darn strange. Next year I'll be in college. And I think I've founded my school, and what I want to do. I'll study in the USA. Btw, some of you may have noticed that I haven't updated my blog in a while, I haven't feeling that great actually. So that's the reason why. I need to start focus on myself, for real this time. I always say that, but I usually don't do anything about it, and problems are just building on top of other problems, I feel like I will burst soon. I really don't want to blog if I'm feeling down, cause I don't want to spread negative feelings. 

With all that previous said, I will do a back to school post later today! ^^

1 Getting things off my chest

My bad updates have been depended on two things. School, school is actually the main thing, but school - homework, and then school. I've to be honest. This year, or these 2 years in high school have been rough. It was good from the beginning, but I do regret changing my class completely. But even though from the beginning I felt lonely. Stressed out and lonely. I know it's normal to feel a bit lonely and off, but it is definitely not normal to feel it this often. At times I feel glad, and the next second I feel like crap and I just don't want to live, kind of.
I'm pretty shy, around certain people. I don't know why, but I have become more shy now than before, especially in my new class. I feel like such a misfit. Every day feels like a challenge. Honestly there are so many days I just feel invisible, it's so hard. I hate this feeling, even though I'm around people I feel invisible, even though I'm around my friends I feel lonely. If it wasn't for my friends I really don't where I'd be now, if I'd even be here. Now, I don't want this to be this depressing post. But I thought I should be honest. I know I'm not alone about feeling alone and invisible, we shouldn't keep all these feelings inside of us. It's important to address and take up these issues also.

Anyways. This is why my updating have been pretty lacking, I haven't lost my motivation to this blog, I really love to blog. But my motivation isn't on top some days, but I'm trying my best.

2 Order to order

Today I ordered home some cataloges from a swedish student website about studying abroad. And guess where? In the US. ♥ Uh, even though it's just cataloges it's one little step closer to my goal. Seriously, just watch the photos. This is like the smallest step out of them all, but I'm so happy. ♥♥ Someday, my dream will come true. Iiih, I'm so happy.

 

 

0 A long troublesome road

~I hope~

I've had a very hard time managing time and work and spare time. Lately, I've been spending a lot of time on school work, it only doesn't affect my spare time, it affects my emotions a lot. It really does, it feels like I constantly have something to do, but at the same time not. It feels like I cannot relax, I've always something to do. I'm starting to feel like a wandering robot, again. The old problems that I had a year ago is starting to occur again, even though now I've so much time left since the change of school. The time I've been putting down on school work have shown a positive effect, I got back my big assignment that I blogged about, probably 2 weeks ago, and I got a B, which is pretty good, since it was such a big assignment. I almost coudln't believe it.

But when it feels to my feelings, I've felt so lonely lately. Maybe I'm growing up, realising new things. Even though I get good results in school, I don't feel like I'm achieving anything that  I really want to achieve, like; music. It makes me so anxious. It's about a year till I'll graduate high school, and how am I going to go to a music college in the US when I merely know about theoretical things when it comes to music. I feel like a failure at times. These thoughts are going around in my head all the time. I'm trying to improve but I feel like I'm failing all the time. There are lots of things going around in my head, this is just a quarter, but I'm not going to write about it here. But I hope you understand the lack of updates. I miss blogging, but it feels like I don't have the time, even though I have. I will try start blogging regulary, and start to prioritaty time better.

0 New Design, New Motivation

I've been pretty lousy at bloging lately, for a while I thought of making a new one, but I feel pretty attached to this, I like this blog a lot, so I'm staying here, forever, with my greatest followers. ♥ What do you think of my new design? You can find cool and cute templates here. I love this template so much, I'm just going to make some coding, changes in the header and the background. Now I've to continue studying, buhu. I've big assignment I haven't really started with, and everyone else in my class is almost finish.. I'm also listening to old k-pop CD's, not so old, Baby Baby, and The Wonder Years, oh great memories. I btw noticed now, the only bad about this design is that I can't preview my posts.

Greatest picture of myself. ;w;