0 New Year, New Me??

Oh my god, it's 2015. Isn't it crazy? Since I've been pretty off here (sorry) I thought about making an recap list thingy. I hope you'll appreciate it, because I'm looking forward answering all the stuff. I got the list from this awesome website.

1. On a scale of 1 – 10, how energized and alive have I felt? Hm, maybe a 6. I wish it would be a 10. I'll make 2015 a 10! :D
2. When have I felt “in the flow?” Hm. Maybe in October starting uni, and gotten used to it.
3. Where have I felt mired and stuck? In March, after my cat died and life felt like hell. Before and after that I also felt mentally f*cked up for various reasons..
4. When did I feel like I was on track? In June and forward. :)
5. What would I have preferred to have had more of? Looooove (it's an ambiguous answer).
6. What would I have preferred to have had less of? Stress and anxiety.
7. What was missing? My cat. :(
8. What energized me? Feeling like I did something important or/and mattered.
9. What drained me? All the stress and anxiety.
10. How did I succeed? I went to a psychologist and made some research myself, and somehow I became stronger. :) Also starting university and graduating from high school.
11. How did I fail? What can I learn from that? I failed in the sense that I almost gave up. Everything felt hopeless, and I felt so very lonely. And what I've learned is that, only I can make myself happy (not really, but kinda). And I have the right to be happy, and I'm strong. IM A WARRIOR.
12. Where was the abundance in my life (not just financial)? Um. My emotions? Haha.
13. What sucked? What can I learn from that? STRESS AND ANXIETY!! And my cat's death, once again.  And from that I learned a lot but at the same time not.
14. How am I glad I spent my time? I'm glad I spent my time doing stuff that actually mattered to me, and that I was genuinely interested in. It felt like it was healing me.
15. How do I regret having spent my time? Being depressed = doing nothing. A lot of time just laying in bed, alone with my thoughts..
16. What mattered? Music.
17. What about how I spent my time this year will matter in ten years? What I learned studying musicology, I got a solid foundation that I'll take with me for the rest of my life.
18. What did I think was my top priority this year? Surviving the day.
19. What did my actions and choices show was my top priority? Not the above. Until later on.
20. Did my priorities reflect how I want to live my life? Yes and no.
21. How have I lived in alignment with what’s really important? Same here, yes and no.
22. How have I lived out of alignment with what’s really important? Studying musicology (even though it didn't feel 100% right), and going to talk to a psychologist. It felt like a step in the right direction.
23. What am I most proud of? Learning so much and that I got accepted and studying at uni.
24. What do I regret most? Not doing anything earlier to make me feel better.
25. How did I make the world a better place? Donated money to different charities. Tried to be friendly and be there for people around me.
26. What do I want to consciously bring forward into the new year? Focusing on feeling good and happy.
27. What do I want to consciously let go of? My anxiety.
28. What contributed to my success (in my work / in my relationships / in my contribution to the world/etc.)? Hm, getting rid of some of my fears.
29. What am I grateful for? For all my friends just being there, and all the friendly out there.
    
30. On a scale of 1 – 10, how kind have I been to myself? 3 :(
    
31. How have I shown myself love? Not really.
    
32. What felt meaningful?
33. What risks did I take? How did I step outside my comfort zone?
34. What risks do I wish I had taken?
35. What did I try that was new? A lot, like washing clothes. A lot of clothes. Or moving out from home. I have done both before, but not at the same extent. Weird explanation I know. But like, living on my own.
    
36. How did I invest in my future? Saving up ca$h, and stored all the things I've learned in my brain.
    
37. How much did I laugh? A lot, I like to laugh.
    
38. When have I felt tension? What kind of tension haha..?
39. What advice would I give my last-year self based on what you learned and experienced this year? Somehow it gets better gurl.
    
40. What inspired and motivated me? Love. Again, an ambiguous answer.
    
41. How did the people I spent most of my time with contribute to who I want to become and what I want to achieve? Hm to do what I truly felt like.
    
42. What did I think was important that really wasn’t? Graduating from high school, I had this imaginary to do list, which I really didn't checked out so much from. Which made me a bit sad, but that list wasn't really that important. Even though the future is not granted, you don't have to hurry some things.
    
43. What did I think wasn’t important that really was? My health.

Last year I learned so much, more than I've ever learned in a year. I've gone through so much emotionally also, I've have experienced the darkest period (hopefully) in my life. And I hope I'll never experience that again. But then again, I've learned so much, and I've also learned what I'll do in the future, or rather say today. I'm striving to do what makes me truly happy and follow my heart. I have to say I'm thankful in what I've learned and that I've developed for the better. And I look forward 2015 and to leave 2014 behind me.

How has you year been?

0 Let's talk about (K-)POP

Hi guys! I've been thinking about doing this post in a long time.. About.. K-Pop! I've heard some new songs this and the last month that I'd like to blog about. Let's go. (this post was supposed to be up in August, but I have moved and stuff..)

So the first song I'm going to bring up, is one I just heard. It's called Mamma Mia and it's performed by the lovely Kara. As some of you may already know, I love the group Kara, and I think it's sad that two of the members left. Anyhow, I like the new one. Even though I wouldn't say this is one of their greatest song I still think it's very good and catchy. I also like the dance, it doesn't feel like anything new though. So I'll give it 4 out of 5 pandas.

The next song I have chosen is Red by Hyuna. I was actually disappointed by this song. It's a boring concept - sex. :( I don't like the song at all, especially the hip hop sound. And the video is also horrible. Because it's about.. sex. I really dislike how K-pop has been going to that direction more and more. Here's a bit from the lyrics "Every night, you think of me like spicy ramen
Come in first if you like me" ... "Everyone stop, I’ll punish you so stick out your butt
You won’t be able to handle me every night".. So I'll give this song 1.5 out 5 pandas.

The last song I have chosen is Touch My Body by Sistar. It's a bit similar to Hyuna's song, or, only the concept. But I do found this song a bit catchy and not as raw as Red.The lyrics isn't also as raw. The video is OK, but I'm not sure what I think of the booty-shaking, it seems a bit awkward, a bit forced. It doesn't look so smooth, anyhow, enough about butts. The song is catchy, and it makes me wanna dance, so that's a plus. I'll give this song 3 out 5 pandas!!

0 Rest in Peace

Isn't it scary how short life is? One second you are brought to this world and the next you're gone. It's so sad and tragic what happened Ladies Code, I really thought Rise would pull it off. Luckily they'll have each other in heaven. Rest in Peace RiSe and EunB. My thought and prayers goes to their family and friends. Thank you for everything you've brought to this world.
Fan: "Which member do you want to take care of? The one you feel uncomfortable leaving alone?"
RiSe: "Eunbi!"

0 Photo summary

So what have I been up to lately? Just a couple of days ago I was in Uppsala, with my cousin and her man. We were visiting my brother whom lives there. We strolled around town, visited places worth visiting, like museums, the old church, in other words; we explored the town. I love Uppsala, I've been there many times and I think it's my favourite city in Sweden. Anyhow, here comes a photo summary what I have been doing this and the last month. From prom, to gradution, to Uppsala. I chose not to upload any photos from Stockholm because I couldn't find them.

Can you spot me?? One tip.. I have a yellow-ish dress.

My hair got messy from the Cabriolet. My dress is from Yesstyle.

BBQ-party with friends. ♥

GRADUATION! Dress also from Yesstyle.

Pictures from Uppsala. Uppsala castle. :)

The church.

Uppsalas first University.

Beautiful grave from the church. Hope you appreciated the pictures and the post!

0 Like woah

So, a lot has happened during these weeks I haven't updated (awkward, I thought I had updated in June.. but nope). I have graduated from high school and oddly, or not oddly, I miss school. I miss studying, being in class, but I miss my friends mostly..
Right now I also miss home. I'm in Stockholm, Sweden's capital. It has been fun, but I feel pretty exhausted and all I want to do is to lay in my own bed, pet my cats and spend time with my family and friends.
I'm pretty unsure of what I'll be doing now during the summer, and after. A guy called me and said that they had an apartment for me. But since I'm unsure if I'll study or not I had to decline his offer. Luckily if I decide to study, I can always stay with my brother for a while.

1 I'm gonna miss school!

Today I first had my driving lesson, it actually went great. Then later on I had this session with a counselor, and it also went great. I'm feeling quite good right now. Even though I have loads of homework and assignments that I have to do.. Like these are my last assigments.. I will miss school, a lot. I haven't really enjoyed these last couple of years of high school, mostly not my class really. Nothing wrong with the students really, but I still feel like a misfit.
Luckily I have my friends! They've been so important for me and made me actually go to school with a smile on my face. I don't know what I'd do without them. That saddens me, like, these last couple of days will be the last time it will be all together. I don't want that good bye.

Somebody that has graduated and still miss high school?

0 A new beginning?

I have a lot of visitors everyday.. I kind of feel ashamed that I haven't blogged in a long time, but to be honest, I haven't been feeling good. But I want to share some news to you, and also just get some things off my chest. I'll be seeing a psychologist, and I feel hopeful, but also scared. I kind feel like finally, and just the thought of talking to someone about things, makes me instantly a little happier. Hope is very important, and when you go without it for a period of time, you start to feel numb. I feel like I'm at that point, where I feel numb. Things doesn't really matter to me any more, and it's scary.
It's also scary that I've agreed to actually change. I feel scared to talk to someone, because I'm a mess. I've bottled up so much inside of me so I feel like I'll burst soon. So just the thought of sharing my most inner thoughts to someone is dreadful. Because I haven't really opened up to anyone. I know this all is going to be hard, but I hope it's worth it.

I actually look forward for the future..